So you know that shitty feeling when you try to fix a relationship so many times, but it turns out that you've been kidding yourself, and you were really the only one in the relationship this hole time? (if you have not experienced, this kind of pain, please go hug your best friend <3 for me, because right now, i would do anything for that privilege) it's been a year cents are drifting began,  you were on one island and i was on another, and the only thing keeping us in contact was me desperately trying to build a bridge and right when i finished it,  and take the firs steps towards you,  you would light it up under my feet and then we were back at stage one, but for some resin i keep trying, i never gave up on us not event for a second, up tell now, i can take a lot, i did take a lot, but you looked me in the eye and sad, " i don't care if i ever see you again" and i know that's because of your depression, and you've told me that before, but i just always thought i could help you, but, i guess that terrible old saying is true  "you can't help someone that dose not won't to be helped" i fell like i should try harder, something new, something know one has tried yet, but every time it comes back to, you telling me " i just don't care, nothing matters to me anymore"

so now it's time to start moving on, they tell you to "let go" "move on" "you'll get over it" but the truth is....... i'll never get over it, it's part of me, i don't won't to "get over it"   and i'm certainly not trying to forget it, i hope i never forget it, all though this year has been so very painful, there were so many great years, that i hope i will never forget <3 i will always love you, i can't help it, it's kinda my default setting, once my heart get's attached, it never lets go, no mater how many times my brain says " your only going you get more pain,

i'm never going to let you go. you cant give up this easy. i love you and i need you. it hurts me to see you hurt yourself like this. you're my bestfriend, you're perfect. you are to good for all this bs. please dont leave me.

I don't like the memories because the tears come easily, and once again I break my promise to myself for this day it's a constant Battle. A war between remembering And forgetting