It's my place, but i don't like it anymore

so first you have to under stand that i live in a bubble, a bubble were i'm the only one that get's in,  it's a lonely place sometimes,  every time someone get's just about close enough for me to let them in, something happens and i end up back in my own little world, fighting for survival, drowning in a ocean on my own self pity,  wonting to get out, needing to get out but just not knowing if it was me that brought all this on my self or if it was someone else, and still not being shore witch one is worse,